Report: Someone’s Dad Not Attending Royal Wedding Or Something, Or Wow, Who Cares, Seriously

SOME CASTLE IN ENGLAND—A report about some wedding that some people apparently care about indicated Thursday that someone’s dad wasn’t going to attend or something like that, but really, I mean, who the heck cares about this kind of thing anyway. Seriously.

After a bunch of reports about his health and some paparazzi or something like that, he confirmed that he would not be walking the girl or princess or whatever she is down the aisle when the two people marry each other, which is somehow important or newsworthy or impactful to some people we guess. The almost-princess lady also said the dude she’s marrying, the prince (?) or baron or dutch or whatever they call royalty in 2018, was cool with the dad not attending and wouldn’t go invade other castles with his knights or anything because of the announcement, so there’s really nothing cool or interesting here at all.

The ceremony is still going on as planned, confirm reporters and commentators who are apparently spending lots of time worrying about this event that doesn’t impact anyone’s life in the slightest, but some people are really into that but we’re not sure why and it doesn’t make sense.