Every Sentence In Youth Pastor’s Sermon Punctuated With Desperate Attempt To Quiet Kids Down

DODGE CITY, KS—Several youth group members at Maple Community Church were able to confirm that every single sentence in youth pastor Pete Carson’s Wednesday evening sermon was punctuated with a desperate attempt to get the crowd to quiet down and listen.

Every time Carson was able to get out a complete thought, he was forced to stop and ask the students gathered to settle down, stop talking to one another, and start listening to the sermon after losing their attention.

“Let’s all open our Bibles to the book of Matthew—hey guys, let’s quiet down, okay? It’d be great if you could just pay attention real quick. Thanks, gang,” he said to begin his sermon, according to sources. “So like I was saying, Jesus started preaching the Sermon on the Mount here in Matthew. Chad? Hey, Chad, buddy, let’s turn around and listen, OK bud?”

“Guys, I really mean it this time. There’s a time for horsing around but during teaching time we’ve got to bring it down a few notches, OK, fam? Thanks guys, I really appreciate it,” he said after finally getting out his first sermon point a few minutes later.

Carson reportedly alternated between asking individual youth members who were goofing around to please settle down and lecturing the group as a whole on the importance of paying attention and showing respect when someone else is talking. The youth pastor also told one “problem kid” named Todd that he wasn’t going to ask him to quiet down twice over thirteen times before finally asking him to separate himself from his usual group of friends, according to sources.

At publishing time, witnesses had confirmed that Pastor Pete was forced to interrupt one of his requests that the group quiet down and pay attention in order to ask the group to quiet down and pay attention to his request.