PORTLAND, OR—According to reports from Portland State University, political science professor and outspoken socialist Brett Sanderson will refuse to accept any further salary, in order to free himself from the oppressive shackles of the capitalist system.
Sanderson told reporters he looks forward to the freedom he will experience as he breaks loose from the bonds of private ownership and personal profit, openly sharing his knowledge with the student body, without pay. “The insight I have gained through my personal study does not belong to me; it belongs to the collective,” the professor explained. “What right do I have to demand personal compensation, when the socialism I espouse demands I freely share my knowledge with its common owners, the people? Just knowing I contribute my fair share to the means of production is compensation enough.”
“I choose to be free from the oppression of a biweekly paycheck. It’s not really mine anyway,“ he added. He further stated that while previous attempts to accept no salary have resulted in professors blowing through their life savings and living in poverty, those examples “weren’t real socialism.”
At publishing time, Sanderson was spotted chastising a student for parking in his parking space reserved for professors only.
Jesus Christ is King
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