Inspired By MeToo Movement, New ‘Twilight’ Remake To Have Bella Immediately Report Edward To Authorities

SANTA MONICA, CA—Inspired by the #MeToo movement, Summit Entertainment has announced an updated version of the Twilight film franchise, in which Bella will simply report Edward to the authorities the moment the old, creepy vampire begins stalking her.

The film is said to be only 30 minutes long, ending as soon as it becomes obvious that Edward is obsessed with the teenage protagonist and the proper authorities are called in to arrest him. Bella becomes uncomfortable with the elderly Cullen vampire staring at her all the time, freaking out and being overprotective when they just met, and telling her he wants to drink her blood—so instead of falling in love with him, she calls the FBI, who handle the situation.

“Frankly, the old one, where Bella is totally OK with an obsessed hundred-something-year-old guy who wants to eat her jumping in her window and watching her sleep creeped us out for quite a while,” a rep for Summit said Wednesday. “This way, girls are encouraged to be on the lookout for inappropriate behavior from older men—especially stone-cold vampires that sparkle in the sunlight—and take the proper steps to protect themselves.”

“I’m not quite sure how everyone was OK with the original version, to be honest,” she added.

The DVD is set to hit stores next month, with proceeds going to help victims of abusive relationships like Edward and Bella’s.