PORTLAND, OR—As he clutched his chest on the ground dying, one of the millions of Americans killed by the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, local man Michael Vo reportedly whispered, “At least I didn’t die from tax cuts,” according to sources.
The man was out for a morning stroll when he suddenly collapsed to the ground. “Ugh, Kavanaugh!” he cried, knowing the Republican plan to slaughter countless numbers of people across the country had finally caught up to him. “Goodbye, cruel world. I’m just glad I survived Hillary’s defeat, the tax cuts, Trump’s tweets, and a strict immigration policy.”
“A lot of people weren’t so lucky, and I’m just thankful to no one in particular to have made it this far,” he groaned. “It’s not such a bad way to go, in the end.”
Onlookers attempted to revive him, but as all medical experts know, there’s no cure for Sudden Kavanaugh Death (SKD). He was declared dead on the scene.
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