PASCO, WA—The Garrison family was able to get ready for church and into their minivan in a record 14 hours Sunday morning, afternoon, and evening, sources close to the churchgoing family of six confirmed.
With most of the family arising with a full five minutes to spare before the sermon started, the Garrisons took only 4 hours to shower, 3 hours to pick out their outfits, and 7 hours to find their shoes before jumping in the van and leaving for church.
“Our previous best was 16 and a half,” family father Joseph Garrison told reporters later that night after they had returned home, missing the service by a dozen hours. “We’re pretty proud of pulling off this personal best.”
“We’re particularly proud of our 15-year-old daughter, Mary-Beth, who only Snapchatted in bed for five hours before getting up,” he added. “We owe it all to you, baby.”
Sources at the home claimed the Garrisons moved with lightning speed, with the family’s 7 and 8-year-old boys efficiently taking a full hour to complain about not being able to tie their shoes, even though they tie their shoes in several seconds when it’s time to go outside and play.
At publishing time, the Garrisons had turned around upon realizing they had left their Bibles and their 2-year-old toddler at home.
Jesus Christ is King
Comments are closed.