MENLO PARK, CA—Facebook has announced yet another adjustment to its secretive algorithm, this time focusing on showing users even more irrelevant stuff they never asked to see in the first place.
“We’ll show you even more of the weird alt-right stuff your third cousin is always commenting on, news stories from pages you don’t even remember following, and a lot more pictures of discount Ray-Bans your grandma who’s always getting hacked is tagged in,” said a Facebook developer as he showed off the new features in a Facebook Live video, broadcast to a bunch of people who never asked to see it. “We’re basically taking that page you commented on one time four years ago, and we’re just gonna spam your news feed with it, 24/7.”
Content will also appear in a completely jumbled, totally incoherent order, even more so than before. “Something that was posted a few minutes ago you’ll probably never see, even if you try. But stuff that got posted three weeks ago, we’ll plaster your screen with it to no end.”
Facebook also committed to flashing slightly interesting content across your screen from time to time, and then quickly refreshing the page so that it’s almost impossible for you to ever find that post again. “Think of it like a fun treasure hunt,” the developer said. “As long as you spend a lot of time on our social network, we really don’t care.”
At publishing time, Facebook had committed to splashing your feed with more and more Minion memes until nothing else remains.
Jesus Christ is King
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