LAGUNA BEACH, CA—Local Christian band Cross-Eyed had hoped to create an epic cover for its upcoming 11th studio album, but tragedy struck as a swiftly rising tide swept the entire band out to sea Monday.
Guitarist and frontman Ethan “Extra” Hampton was attempting to pose the band members on a rock outcropping adjacent to a pristine sandy beach when they began to lose their footing and were pulled away by a powerful riptide.
“Alright, Ryder, just hold your drumsticks pensively to the side. No, pensively. I SAID PENSIVELY!” he had said, annoyed, as he tried to get everyone to stand exactly how they would appear on the upcoming album, Faith Flood. “Hey, bass player, hold that expression. Don’t move a muscle!”
“Yo Extra, the water’s getting pretty high up here, bro!” said rhythm guitarist Tim Fourman as the tide rose up to his neck. “I can’t hold on any longer…. wooooah!!!” He clung to his guitar as he tried to keep himself afloat and his head above water.
The band was rescued by the Coast Guard several hundred yards from shore. They informed reporters they prefer to be thought of not as Christian survivors, but as survivors who just happen to be Christian.
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