‘I Must Increase, Everyone Else Must Decrease,’ Says Worship Leader Of Monitor Levels

PORTLAND, OR—During soundcheck at Lightning Church Sunday morning, local worship leader Paul “Apocalypse” Johnson reportedly used the phrase, “I must increase, and everyone else must decrease.”

“O sound guy, I beg of you, allow me to increase, and allow everyone else to fade into the background,” he said, motioning for the technician to put more of him in the monitors. “More of me, and less of you, O great master of the knobs and sliders!”

He also continued to request more and more of himself in the house sound system and less of all the other band members, desiring that only his voice be heard during the time of worship.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that sound guy Matthew Patterson had simply pretended to adjust the levels before giving Johnson a “thumbs up” signal.