NEW YORK, NY—In an address to the United Nations General Assembly, President Trump took a few minutes to praise The Babylon Bee’s new online store for growing the United States’ economy to unprecedented levels.
While Trump often credits the economy to himself, he displayed great humility by admitting that it was actually the new digital marketplace in which readers can buy Babylon Bee shirts, mugs, and even the site’s first book that did the trick.
“Many good people are saying it’s the best online store, maybe ever,” he said, as UN leaders nodded emphatically. “I don’t like to talk ill of my predecessor, but there was no Babylon Bee store during President Obama’s two terms. I mean, nothing. Sad! But now I’m here and business is booming. Tremendous!”
Trump touted the store for its selection of merchandise, and suggested that God may even grant extra divine blessings to those who purchase various products from the online storefront.
At publishing time, the United Nations had passed a rare unanimous decision naming The Babylon Bee the official site for unbiased world news.
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