Success: After A Full Day Of Hearings, Everyone Believes Exactly What They Already Believed About Kavanaugh

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Well, it looks like this has been a successful day for everybody: after hours upon hours of testimony, questioning, and monologues by presidential hopefuls, every single person in the country still believes exactly what he or she already believed about Brett Kavanaugh going into the hearings.

From US senators to voters across the nation, everybody tuned into the hearings in order to reinforce their viewpoints and not be swayed by a single piece of evidence going in the opposite direction.

“We accomplished exactly what we wanted to here,” Senator Dianne Feinstein said in an interview after the hearings had concluded. “Everybody is more divided than before, and levels of hatred are at an all-time high. Not a single person’s mind was changed, and that’s the way politics should be.”

One man in Texas claimed his viewpoint had started to waver, but by the end of the day, he decided he’d keep it the way it was. “It was a close one,” he told reporters gathered outside his home. “But at the end of the day, after considering all the evidence, I think the same thing I did before about Kavanaugh. Only more passionately.”