WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Donald Trump called a press conference for a surprise announcement this morning. “I’m going to form a new court,” Trump told the gathered reporters. “Space Court!”
There was a long moment of silence as everyone seemed to wait for Trump to explain things further, but all he did was eventually point up (the direction of space). Finally, someone asked a question: “Why?”
Trump explained that the big battle over Justice Kavanaugh’s confirmation made him worry about the limitations of earthbound courts, so he wanted a court that is an even higher court than the Supreme Court, and “nothing is higher than space.”
He said the purpose of the court would be to litigate potential problems of the Space Force, such as “if it blew up a planet it wasn’t supposed to or something” and also to protect people’s space rights, such as “space religion” and “space guns,” though Trump was clear it would not protect “space speech” since “no one can hear you in space.”
Construction of the Space Court has already begun, and there are plans to launch it into orbit next year. Next, Trump will need to appoint judges who have also passed a NASA fitness exam. When asked if Merrick Garland would be in consideration, Trump said, “We already hired a Mr. Wilco as space janitor.”
Jesus Christ is King
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