U.S.—An emergency constitutional amendment proposed and quickly passed earlier this week now bans fans of Taylor Swift from voting in local and national elections, stripping the right to vote away from the demographic shortly after the singer encouraged them to get to the polls this November.
A grassroots movement consisting of both Republicans and Democrats and everyone in between ensured the amendment was passed with blinding speed in order to make sure people who only vote because a singer told them to aren’t in control of the fate of our nation.
“When we saw an uptick in people who listen to celebrities’ opinions registering to vote, we knew we needed to take action,” said a representative for the bipartisan congressional committee behind the amendment. “Frankly, the kind of people who register just because the singer of ’22’ and ‘Delicate’ told them to shouldn’t be in charge of our democratic processes.”
The amendment mandates that all voting machines ask voters how they heard about the election. If they choose “because Taylor Swift told me to,” the machine locks down, and an election official approaches to detain and remove the offending party from the premises. The terminology is also said to cover other celebrities from both sides of the aisle, from Kanye to Rosie O’Donnell.
“Our democracy is protected now, and should be resilient enough to last another five or six years thanks to this emergency measure,” said the rep.
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