U.S.—A record number of people voted in the midterm election, and the Republicans and Democrats have heard from it a clear message: they’re doing just fine; don’t change anything.
“Look at those gains in the Senate!” said President Trump, “Tremendous! People clearly want bombastic fearmongering about immigrants and lots of arguing with the press. And we’re going to keep giving it to them until we ride to an even greater victory in 2020.”
“The American people clearly love our incoherent yelling at Trump and everyone near him,” Representative Nancy Pelosi stated about their win in the House and gains in governorships. “We’re going to do nothing but scream and belittle all Trump supporters until Trump is gone in 2020.”
When the losses were pointed out to the two parties, they each had easy explanations. “Some candidates just didn’t spend enough time talking about how great I am and how I’m right about everything,” President Trump explained. “Rookie mistake. Probably cost us the House. Sad.”
Democrats think voting data showed them where things went wrong. “We determined it’s white women that are the problem now,” said Democratic consultant Marvin Mullins. “So obviously the path to an even greater victory is to scream at them and tell them we hate them.”
Both parties are now very excited for the next election, as presumably are the American people—though no one really listening to them now since it’s years until the next major election.
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