WORLD—After Facebook suffered a brief period of outages and technical errors this morning, utopia suddenly broke out around the world, multiple sources across the globe were reporting Tuesday.
Dogs and cats began lying down together in harmony, people of opposing political parties emerged from their homes and talked to each other like rational human beings, and multiple antifa and white supremacist groups were seen laying down their arms. Thousands of people walked in a daze toward the center of their towns and villages, where people joined hands and sang Bob Dylan’s “Blowin’ in the Wind” in a spontaneous act of peace and harmony.
“It was almost… miraculous,” said one teary-eyed television commentator. “As soon as people could no longer demonize each other across vast distances on Facebook, they were forced to see one another as real human beings.”
CNN ran an hour-long special in which they apologized for being overly critical of President Trump, while the president himself admitted he might have been taking it too far with all the “fake news” talk. Rival fandoms like Star Wars and Star Trek and Nintendo and Sega began to make amends, reaching across the aisle to heal decades-old wounds. Religious leaders agreed to be more civil with one another while debating theology and discussing their differences.
“All this from a brief Facebook outage—just imagine what the world would be like if we stopped using it altogether!” the commentator added.
At publishing time, the utopia had begun to collapse as people discovered Twitter was still functioning.
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