WORLD—The most important news coming out of the G20 international summit held last week is the Smash Bros. Treaty, an international agreement signed by nearly all of the world’s leaders.
The treaty states that all international conflicts will be resolved with a 1 v. 1 match between the leaders of the countries in disagreement.
“War is a thing of the past,” said President Trump triumphantly upon signing the treaty. “Now, other not-so-good presidents and kings will be forced to bow before my amazing Super Smash Bros. skills.” Trump then immediately challenged Putin to a match and lost Alaska, Hawaii, and California to Russia. He did register an official complaint that he had “the bad controller.”
One wild match-up saw four countries squabbling over Eastern Europe, with Germany emerging victorious after Chancellor Angela Merkel spammed a bunch of annoying ranged attacks with Samus. Kim Jong-Un is now the ruler of Antarctica after his “1v1 me bro” challenge went unanswered, as no one apparently wanted to fight over Antarctica and possibly be assassinated as well.
After too many complaints of countries winning important conflicts with overpowered items and characters, the terms of the agreement were quickly updated to specifically stipulate “No items, Fox only, Final Destination.”
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