Progressive Theologians Release Line Of Mood Rings For Determining Doctrinal Truth

U.S.—Just in time for the non-denominational holidays, a group of progressive theologians has announced a new line of mood rings that allow you to determine doctrinal truth simply by how you feel.

The rings will change color with your mood and display an objective theological statement specifically tailored to your subjective, fleeting emotions.

“If you’re feeling down about a particular sin, for instance, the mood ring may declare that sin to actually be holy,” said author and speaker Brian McLaren. “It’s a great way to make eternal truth line up with your current feelings.”

“I myself have a full collection of the rings. I love watching theological truth ebb and flow with my every whim,” he added.

Developed in conjunction with several liberal seminaries across the country, the rings use advanced technology to detect your thoughts, feelings, and prejudices, and display a custom theological message just for you. No two rings will be alike, so everyone’s theological truth will be different—”just as God intended.”

At publishing time, the group had announced a purity mood ring that will give you inspiring messages like “Go ahead and do it, it’s no big deal” and “Fornication is a social construct.”