Report: Every Last Ounce Of Play-Doh Gifted On Christmas Already Dried Up And Stuck To Carpet

U.S.—A new study released Friday confirmed that all the Play-Doh that was gifted on Christmas is already dried up and stuck to carpets across the country.

While Play-Doh often lasts until the final week of January, this year it hardened and became cemented to everybody’s floors much more quickly than usual, due to a wide range of factors, according to experts.

“We found that 95% of it was already hardening on various carpets and floors by the evening of December 25,” the head of the study told reporters. “By now, every last ounce of it is permanently glued to a carpet or rug, with no hope of ever scraping it off.”

According to researchers, Play-Doh begins as separate colors, but is instantly mashed together into a brownish-gray blob by overzealous children. As they play with the compound, they hope to make delightful ice cream cones and cars; however, they quickly settle for making something that vaguely looks like a snake, before it all gets rolled together in a ball. 

“In the final stage of the Play-Doh’s demise,” one expert said, “the now-almost-unrecognizable dough is ground into the carpet in a time-honored ritual of children all around the world.” Many techniques have been tried to remove the Play-Doh, from peanut butter and knives to miniature nuclear blasts, but no one has ever been successful.

At publishing time, sources had also confirmed that every single remote control car, plane, and drone gifted on Christmas was broken.