U.S.—Abortion provider Planned Parenthood’s website appears to be down, with the page simply displaying a 666 error to anyone who tries to view it.
The error is shown alongside a message indicating that unusually high levels of demonic activity within the organization have temporarily overloaded the page.
“This happens to us from time to time,” Planned Parenthood president Leana Wen said. “All these ancient pagan deities help us run our child sacrifice organization, and once in a while our servers just can’t handle it. Just last week all the screens and monitors throughout our headquarters displayed an image of a cackling demon lord from the pit, and it took the tech guys a few hours to shoo him away.”
Demons, while providing temporary success to evil entities like Planned Parenthood, are known to cause interference with computers and other technology. The organization is forced to have an exorcist on staff to cast Moloch’s dark spawn out of mainframes and terminals throughout the main office, while local chapters of the satanic organization have their own demonic management experts on location.
The priests, of course, are mainline Episcopalians.
At publishing time, Wen had assured Planned Parenthood customers that the company would be building several more altars to Baal and Dagon to help offload the stress from the main server.
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