Andy Stanley Travels Back To 15th Century BC To Destroy Ten Commandments Once And For All

MT SINAI—Pastor Andy Stanley has become one of the most vocal critics of the Ten Commandments as applied to the Christian life, and now he’s putting his beliefs into action.

Stanley got into a modified DeLorean, fired it up, and got it up to 88 miles per hour, sending him hurtling through the past to the exact moment Moses brought the second set of tablets containing the Ten Commandments down to the Israelites. 

The pastor’s mission? “To destroy them once and for all.”

After the Deloreon landed on a rocky outcropping, Stanley crept through a ravine and climbed up the foot of Mt. Sinai, where he hid behind a rock lying in wait for Moses. Finally, the Israelite leader approached, carrying the set of rules for living a moral life in the sight of God. Stanley leaped from his hiding place and began to lecture a frightened Moses on how Christians need to “unhitch” themselves from the Ten Commandments and the entire Old Testament.

Then, as Moses was frozen to the spot in fear, trying to respond but only able to stutter, Stanley launched himself off the balls of his feet like a cheetah and tackled him to the ground, wrestling the Ten Commandments from his grasp before hucking them off the side of the mountain.

The pastor then returned to his DeLorean and sped away, disappearing back to the future.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Moses had muttered, “Man oh man, God is gonna be so angry with me” as he trudged up the mountain to collect a third set of the tablets.