Jesus' Coming Back

Conservatives Selflessly Raise $12 Billion For Ginsburg Retirement Fund

U.S.—Conservatives launched a GoFundMe to pay for Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s retirement last week, and the fund has already reached $12 billion as of Monday afternoon.

The GoFundMe to encourage Ginsburg to retire quickly exploded, earning $100 million in the first day and billions by the end of the week, currently sitting at just over $12 billion.

“And they say we conservatives are stingy!” said one man as he donated his last $10,000 out of his savings account to the fund. “I will gladly support this elderly woman, so long as she leaves her job and never returns as soon as possible.”

“It is the least I can do,” he added as he rooted around in his couch cushions for loose change, hoping to find a few more dollars to donate. “It’s just the kind of person I am.”

Donations came from both wealthy donors and a widespread, grassroots movement among Republicans. Conservatives all around the country mortgaged their homes, took out loans, and held yard sales to earn every possible dollar to donate to the fund. 

Ginsburg stated she was moved by the outpouring of support for her in retirement. “It just goes to show that people will reach across the political aisle to help people in need. Maybe I will retire soon after all.”

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