OPELIKA, AL—In a shocking development, every single member of the Stevens family managed to stay healthy for a full 24 hours, despite the family’s four children constantly bringing germs, illness, and as-of-yet undiscovered diseases into the home, sources confirmed Tuesday.
“It was a real miracle,” Mr. Stevens said. “Little Molly’s cough finally cleared up and Jake’s fever went away, so we were bracing for Calvin to start hacking up a lung Sunday evening, but everyone woke up the next morning at 100% health.”
The family enjoyed the serene day, with Mr. Stevens heading into the office and cheerily greeting everyone, even shaking his coworkers’ hands without warning them that he was sick. Mrs. Stevens and the kids headed out and got some lunch, not sure what to do with their day now that they didn’t have to care for at least one sick family member.
At publishing time, the family’s 2-year-old had licked the table at McDonald’s, bringing home a cold for the family to contend with for the next two weeks.
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