Jesus' Coming Back

Facebook To Replace All Reaction Buttons With Pure Outrage

MENLO PARK, CA—In an announcement Monday, Facebook confirmed the social network is replacing its usual selection of reaction buttons with just one button that lets you express pure, unbridled outrage.

Spokespeople said users typically just use the “angry” reaction button anyway, no matter if the news story or post is really worth getting upset over or not. So, instead of being able to express a variety of emotions at a given article, you can just let everyone know how outraged you are, even before you get all the facts.

“The only proper reaction to anything on your newsfeed is pure, unbridled rage,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “Don’t worry about trying to verify the information first—just tap our new outrage reaction and feel the hate flow through you.”

“Make sure to jump on the outrage bandwagon early, too, or later news reports may spoil your fun with contradictory information,” she added.

Facebook censors will also be actively moderating comment sections to ensure other people don’t correct your perceptions of a news story in order to dissuade you from being really, really angry. “We want everyone to have a great experience being outraged online, even if their narrative isn’t supported by the facts in the end. And this is really the only way to ensure that you’re going to have a safe space to rage about stuff that probably never even happened.”

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