New Calvinist Choose Your Own Adventure Book Lets You Select From One Possible Ending

MINNEAPOLIS, MN—A new choose your own adventure novel penned by famed Calvinist John Piper promises to let you experience one of one exciting possible endings.

Readers will be faced with tense choices like choosing which craft brew to drink, only to have the book direct them to the same page anyway because your choice was already made for you before the foundation of the world. When you purchase the book, you’ll get a pre-selected narrative in your unique copy. Some readers will end up dying with no way to prevent the occurrence and will get to turn to the final page to see if they were elect or not.

Sometimes, readers will be presented with a plurality of choices, but again, they will all lead to the same page anyway.

“I guess it’s basically just a book, to be honest,” Piper said in a video on Desiring God’s website. “You just kinda read straight through it with false choices being presented to you along the way.”

“I do recommend against selecting a craft beer or cigar in the story, but you really can’t help it if your book’s character ends up being a drunk hipster Calvinist,” he added.

Piper assured his readers that the story will result in “the best of all possible endings.”