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LOS ANGELES, CA—While helping his son with his Common Core math homework Monday afternoon, local father Brad Marshall pretended to understand the convoluted series of steps the standards utilized to do simple operations like addition and subtraction.
Marshall nodded his head as his son worked through the math problems, pretending to follow along with every step.
“Yes, two plus apple equals a parabola,” he said, furrowing his brow. “You just have to, uh, subtract the X-axis from the wavy thing and make sure that c equals ice cube. Makes perfect sense, son.”
“I know it looks confusing, son, but trust me. I use this kind of math every day. Just today at work, I had to figure the square footage of a floor plan, so I divided Y by the square root of Texas, just like your math book says here.” The man continued to “help” his son through the entire math worksheet, gently guiding him through each problem’s overly complicated steps as required by the Common Core standards.
At publishing time, Marshall had confirmed to reporters that he still didn’t understand a word of it.
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