COOKEVILLE, TN—After being confronted by the leadership team at Maple Street Baptist Church, local church bassist Steve “Jazz Hands” Bronson admitted Friday that he’s just played a Journey bassline for every worship song since he began playing bass for the church over eight years ago.
The scandal was uncovered when church sound guy Johnny “Static” Anderson accidentally turned Bronson’s volume up in the house for the first time in years Sunday. Churchgoers were taken aback to hear one of Journey’s most iconic basslines blasting from the sound system throughout the worship band’s rendition of “Your Grace is Enough.”
“I just kinda rock the Don’t Stop Believin’ riff every time,” he said when pressed. “You just walk it up, walk it back down. No one’s the wiser. Frankly I could play Sabbath’s ‘Heaven and Hell’ or Maiden’s ‘Run to the Hills’ and no one would hear me anyway.”
The church has agreed to keep Bronson on the worship band as long as he promises his classic rock and heavy metal basslines are turned down to a level where absolutely no one can hear him.
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