JOPLIN, MO—Well, this is embarrassing. Lakefire Community Church hosts a rummage sale every winter to help clear out some of the junk that’s accumulated over the years, like old VBS decorations, worn-out pews, and unpopular Christian doctrines.
But this year, Lakefire accidentally sold something they were meaning to hold onto for at least another few months: youth pastor Derrick “Yeet” Mason.
Mason was meandering about the rummage sale trying to avoid doing any manual labor when a volunteer slapped a piece of masking tape reading “$14” on him, thinking him to be just an old pile of ratty clothes. “Hey bruh, watch it!” Mason said, but the volunteer had moved on to pricing some old Larry Norman records.
The youth minister wandered the rummage sale trying to look busy as he sipped on a Mountain Dew, according to witnesses. He fell asleep next to a stack of old Rock Band equipment. Several hours into the sale, a family picked him up and began loading him into their van, attempting to haggle with the volunteers running the rummage sale but ultimately paying full price for Mason.
“He’s worked out pretty good for us so far,” said Mr. Larson, the proud owner of a lightly used youth pastor. “He plays video games with the kids, keeps them entertained. He’s kind of high-maintenance. I’m having to buy three pizzas a day now. But I think it works out in the end.”
The church realized he was missing this past Sunday after the youth actually had to sit in the main service “like we were a whole unified church body or something.”
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