KOKIRI FOREST—Citing the harmful effects of rapid climate change, scientists have warned that the Great Deku Tree, the guardian of the forest, could pass away within the next 12 years if global warming is not reversed.
“We may be past the point of no return at this point,” said the head of Hyrule’s Climate Change Research and Response Commission. “It’s obvious that the Deku Tree has been harmed by the excessive carbon emissions pumped into the air by Death Mountain, the cows of Lon Lon Ranch, and young, careless Hylian boys who light every torch they can find with Din’s Fire.”
Some Hyrulean citizens have disputed the commission’s findings, claiming that a “parasitic armored arachnid” named Queen Gohma is actually responsible for the Deku Tree’s rapid deterioration. These people have been dubbed “climate deniers” by the king’s scientists.
“They’re lying to you, man,” said one Goron. “Global warming? It’s always been hot up here on Death Mountain. If you can’t take the heat, just throw on a Goron tunic and you’re good to go. There’s no reason to freak out.”
“Personally, I think Ganondorf is responsible for cursing the Great Deku Tree,” he added, citing several reliable YouTube videos to support his theory. “All the information is there—you’ve just got to question the official narrative.”
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