Man Defends Own Terrible Political Party By Pointing Out How Terrible Other Political Party Is

SIMI VALLEY, CA—While having a polite political discussion with a coworker over coffee Thursday morning, local man Peter Wilkins rushed to the defense of his chosen terrible political party by pointing out that the other political party is, in fact, also terrible.

Wilkins was able to justify every horrific evil committed by the people he helped put in office by simply explaining that the other major political party would also have committed horrific acts of evil.

“Yeah, the guys I vote for are really despicable—but the guys I didn’t vote for are also really despicable,” he said, sipping an Americano. When he realized his coworker, Jeff, was still waiting for him to explain himself, he simply said, “I think I’ve made my point.”

When pressed on why he would lend his support for a party that does lots of awful things, he took a moment to think before responding. “Well, that’s a valid question. Let’s take a moment and look at all the awful things the other guys do.” After pointing out all the bad things the other party supports, Wilkins relaxed in his chair, resting in the knowledge that he had successfully defended the repulsive acts of his favorite political party by not confronting them at all and instead deflecting to the repulsive acts of the other guys.

“I mean, if it were legal to vote for anyone other than the two horrible parties, I would. But laws are laws,” he concluded, shrugging.

Readers of the Bee,

If just a small fraction of our visitors became subscribers, we’d have enough funding to stop running ads and reduce our dependence on big tech companies like Facebook and Google. Will you partner with us to make this possible?

Support Us Learn More