Jesus' Coming Back

Pastor Suspended For Using Performance-Enhancing Illustrations

OAKLAND, CA—Local pastor Frank Edgars has been suspended from pulpit duties for 30 services after he tested positive for performance-enhancing sermon illustrations.

An investigation revealed that the pastor used over 327 “clever, relevant, and timely” illustrations, movie clips, and anecdotes over the past six months. Illustrations that unfairly enhance a pastor’s performance have been banned for decades under international preaching laws, but there are always a few who try to skirt the rules.

Footage released by investigators clearly shows Pastor Frank playing a clip from Braveheart followed by a funny story about his family’s camping trip last summer. Analysts estimate these illegal, performance-enhancing illustrations and ones like them may have resulted in 37 extra commitments to Christ and 12 additional baptisms over the past preaching season. In addition to his 30-service suspension, the pastor has been stripped of his win in last summer’s Baptist Chili Cook-Off.

“These are clear violations of Pastoral Code 2.11(a)3.16.2(c),” said a representative from the International Association of Preachers. “We have a zero-tolerance policy for illustrations that give a pastor an unfair advantage. If you’re not preaching straight out of the Bible, you’re not really preaching.”

Edgars is appealing the decision to a higher governing body, the Lord Himself.


A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

Comments are closed.

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More