BURLINGTON, VT—In an attempt to get into the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day, senator and presidential candidate Bernie Sanders camped out in the woods near one of his homes to try to catch a leprechaun.
Espying a greedy little fellow hoarding a pot of gold near the end of a rainbow late in the morning, Sanders leaped out of a tree and grabbed the frightened mythological man by the collar, immediately beginning to rant about how the leprechaun is harming society by keeping the gold to himself. The leprechaun quickly teleported a few feet away and began cackling at the elderly senator, who shook his fist and waved his cane in the little guy’s direction.
“You give that pot of gold to ol’ Bernie here for redistribution right away, you little weasel!” Sanders was heard shouting as he pursued the small man clothed in green across a field. “And I don’t want any of your tricks—every last gold coin must be surrendered to me for the greater good!”
Finally, the leprechaun grew tired of hearing Sanders rant about the means of production and the plight of the proletariat, and so handed over the pot of gold just to shut him up.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Sanders would, of course, be skimming a little off the top for himself as compensation for his selfless redistribution services.
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