Scholars Now Believe Disciples Obnoxiously Shouted ‘UNFOLLOWING!’ When They Stopped Following Jesus

ISRAEL—Scholars now believe that whenever Jesus’s many disciples decided they would no longer be following Him, they shouted “UNFOLLOWING!” to be sure that everyone around them knew they were unfollowing.

Historians discovered a new account dated to the first century in which a witness describes Jesus teaching about how His followers need to eat His flesh and drink His blood. According to the account, several people shouted out, “I’M UNFOLLOWING!” right then and there. They then wandered around the crowd to inform each and every person they were unfollowing before they unfollowed.

“I’m unfollowing! This is too far!” one man reportedly yelled. “I usually like your content, Jesus, but this time you’ve crossed a line. Did I mention I’m unfollowing? Well, I’m unfollowing!”

Sources also confirmed that many of those who claimed to be unfollowing kept showing up to Jesus’s sermons anyway in hopes of getting some free swag. They would then unfollow again and be sure to tell everyone that they wouldn’t be back.

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