KEDAR—Archaeologists outside Jerusalem in the Kedar area have uncovered what they believe to be the concealed carry permit of St. Peter, also known as Simon Peter, one of Christ’s twelve apostles and leader of the early Christian church. Dr. Charles Evanston, who oversaw the dig that led to the discovery, says the artifact appears authentic.
“My staff has fully examined the artifact and have come to the conclusion that this concealed carry permit was for personal protection with a firearm and was issued on March 16th in the year 29 AD,” Evanston told reporters. “This confirms our theory that after Peter denied Christ three times he went out and fired at beer cans with his Smith & Wesson to blow off some steam.”
Above: The fully authenticated concealed carry permit that belonged to the apostle Peter, founder of the Christian church
Church leaders say this is a glorious moment for evangelicals who had held for decades that Christ and the apostles were strong advocates of the 2nd amendment and the right to carry.
“Only confirms what we knew all along,” said Reverend Chuck Hogswath of the Flaming Judgement Baptist Church in Biggleburger, Kentucky just before slamming a full magazine into his Glock 34 and firing it into the air in celebration.
Babylon Bee subscriber Ross Matheny contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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