Dem Candidates Promise Relief To Americans Sick And Tired Of Working All These Plentiful Jobs

U.S.—Democratic candidates have promised relief to Americans who are tired of working because of all the jobs that are available now.

“I’m here to promise you two things: rest and relief,” Joe Biden said at a campaign stop. “Rest from working, and relief from all the job opportunities that are available to you today.”

“It’s overwhelming, the number of jobs out there,” Elizabeth Warren said, echoing Biden’s sentiments at a fundraiser. “It’s too much for a person to take in all at once. I vow to you, as a strong, independent, Native American woman, to reduce your options considerably. That should simplify things for you.”

The candidates may disagree on minor points of policy as to how to provide instant relief for Americans sick and tired of working. Bernie Sanders thinks we should tax the rich a lot more so they’ll stop investing and creating jobs to provide relief. Joe Biden says he’ll just roll things back to 2008. Kamala Harris suggested just arresting people who provide jobs. Beto O’Rourke has proposed a law that everyone be required to get high and listen to Rush every morning instead of go to work.

But no matter what specific policy proposal a given Democratic candidate endorses, they all agree: relief from jobs now!

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