HEAVEN—According to reports from the afterlife, the Apostle Peter is really embarrassed every time he reads the accounts of the gospels and all the “dumb stuff” he did back then.
“Oh man, guys, please don’t read the one where I fall into the water again,” he said, putting his hand on his face as he gathered with the other disciples for some eternal fellowship and reading of the New Testament. “Come on. James, John, you’re with me, right? Bart, what about you?”
But the other disciples insisted on reading the narrative of all the times Peter put his foot in his mouth during Jesus’s ministry, from the time he suggested they build houses for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses to the time Jesus was forced to rebuke him for suggesting He didn’t need to go to the cross.
Peter “cringed hard” while his friends cracked up over the story where Peter tells Jesus He can’t wash his feet and then says he actually wants Jesus to give him a bath. “Guys, really. It’s not funny anymore. Ugggggh.”
Sources also claim the Apostle John read the story where he beats Peter in a footrace to the tomb several times, emphasizing the fact that Peter ran so slow that John actually won even with a head start.
“You guys suck,” Peter reportedly said, storming off.
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