BOORVILLE, IA—Chick-fil-A has been the fastest growing fast food chain for some time, but one entrepreneur saw an opportunity where Chick-fil-A constantly falls short: being open on Sunday. Militant atheist Carl Burke has made a new restaurant chain called Chick-fil-Atheist that is only open on Sundays in defiance of God and Christian worship.
“People want a chicken sandwich on the last day of the weekend,” explained Burke, “and maybe they don’t like how Chick-fil-A is all… Christian-ifying people up or whatever. So now I have a business that firmly believes in no God and will fry up chicken on the day that’s supposed to be holy to Him. Take that, wizard sky daddy myth!”
While Chick-Fil-A is well known for training its employees to be friendly and highly accommodating, the employees of Chick-Fil-Atheist are encouraged to drop perplexing atheist truth-bombs on customers such as, “If God made the world, who made God? Huh? BOOM!” and “I supposed you also believe in the flying spaghetti monster too because there’s just as much evidence for your mythological so-called God! BAM!” They then ask if the customer would like any sauce with their meal.
Burke’s original plan was to decorate the interior of his restaurant with lots of posters renouncing faith and belief in God, upside down crosses, and Kurt Vonnegut quotes but took down most of them since they were a big turn-off to his main customer base: Christians having lunch after morning church services. “I guess being open on Sunday is in itself a statement of unbelief,” Burke said. “I can’t be too in people’s faces about it; I have a business to run.”
The restaurant has received many 2 1/2 star reviews on Yelp, most reflecting the same sentiment as this review: “The Chicken is satisfactory enough. It’s like they borrowed some of the good parts of Chick-Fil-A and the rest is sort of slapped together. It’ll do ’til Monday anyway.”
When the Christians eating at Chick-fil-Atheist were asked about supporting a godless restaurant chain, most shrugged it off. “I always assumed most fast food other than Chick-fil-A was godless,” said one patron who was there with his family, “except maybe In-N-Out.”
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