Jesus' Coming Back

White Privilege Card Now Good For 10% Off At Whole Foods

U.S.—According to a representative for the official White Privilege rewards program, every Caucasian person’s White Privilege Card is now good for a full 10% off at participating Whole Foods locations.

The cards, which are given out to every white person at birth, have always been good for many societal benefits, but at long last allow white people to enjoy a discounted shopping experience at their favorite overpriced grocery store.

“Simply bring your purchases to the register and present your official white privilege card, and we’ll provide a discount on your entire purchase,” a spokesperson for the grocery store said. “And don’t try to borrow a white friend’s card—we’ll be able to tell if you try to pull one over on us.”

At publishing time, the rewards program had also confirmed the card will be good for a free pancake plate at IHOP and $5 off your next oil change at Walmart.

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