U.S.—Thought to be the frontrunner in the Democratic primaries, presidential candidate Joe Biden has dropped to last place after being hit with a blue shell during a campaign speech Tuesday.
Bill de Blasio reportedly fired the shell, having acquired it as part of the DNC primary rules, since he’s far behind everybody else. Hurting de Blasio’s campaign are his questionable stewardship of New York City and also the fact that nobody even knows he’s running for president. But DNC rules are clear: whoever is in last gets to fire a blue shell at first at the worst possible moment.
“And that’s why it’s a pretty sure thing that I’ll seal the Democratic nom—OW!” Biden said in a speech as the blue shell appeared from nowhere and crashed into his noggin. “No, not the $^#%in @#$ $#$#$#%^ @#%^ blue shell!”
“De Blasio!!!!!” he screamed as his opponents immediately shot past him in the polls.
Biden tried to recover from the attack but was quickly hit with a lightning bolt fired by Andrew Yang. Yang had an opportunity to leap into first as all his opponents shrank but was too nice and just stood there smiling and handing people $1,000 bills.
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