DETROIT, MI—The second night of CNN’s Democratic debates was intended to be a substantive debate on policy but quickly descended into a tense minimum wage bidding war.
It began when Cory Booker suggested a $15 minimum wage and was immediately shouted down for being a Christian-sympathetic bigot. Other candidates started shouting higher and higher numbers, each trying to one-up everyone else.
The frantic CNN host quickly took on the role of auctioneer.
“$15, do I hear $15, $15! Fifteen dollars is the current bid, $20 do I hear $20… $20 to the woman in the white suit, $25, do I hear $25, thank you to the elderly man sniffing the woman in the white suit’s hair, $25, $25 is the current bid,” he began breathlessly as the bidding kicked off.
At one point Andrew Yang shouted out $1000, causing a gasp to be heard from the other bidders. He later clarified he was just saying everyone should get $1000, not putting in a bid of $1000/hour, but it was too late. Everyone continued the bidding from $1000, driving the bid well into the five-digit range within just a few minutes.
At the end of the intense bidding war, Joe Biden came out on top with a bid of $1.4 million per hour.
“Sold to the geriatric man giving a massage to the lady in pink, thank you sir!” the CNN host concluded.
Babylon Bee subscriber Nolan Casimir contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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