The Best Way To Stop A Bad Guy With A Gun Is A Good Guy With A Comically Oversized Anime Sword

The time has come to address mass shootings in our country. While the left would have us ban guns outright, this is clearly not the answer. We must instead arm ourselves to fight back. This is why we must fight for our constitutionally protected right to wield comically oversized anime swords.

Everyone knows that the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a giant sword from an anime or Japanese RPG.

We must arm our teachers, police officers, and private citizens with swords that are way too big for any human to reasonably wield. We could imbue them with special power breaks and other abilities that let them charge them up, float in the sky with big, glowy, colored hair, and shout a powerful battle cry before charging in to stop potential mass shooters. They could go Super Saiyan, use a Hadouken, or send a Charizard into battle to fight for them.

What bad guys with guns want is for everyone to cower helplessly as they don’t have giant anime swords. The thing that a shooter fears most is a private citizen who whips out a sword three times his size. Imagine the look of terror on a would-be mass shooter’s face when you cry out, “I am Sailor Moon, champion of justice! On behalf of the moon, I will right wrongs and triumph over evil—and that means you!” (Presumably, you’d then chop his head off.)

The cost of not carrying a giant anime sword wherever you go is too much to bear. Just think—if the Forgotten City had not been a giant-sword-free zone, Cloud would have been able to save Aeris in Final Fantasy VII.

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