Trump Suggests Having Snowspeeders Fly Around Tornadoes To Trip Them With Tow Cables
WASHINGTON, D.C.—A source close to Donald Trump claimed that the president suggested using the US. Space Force’s squadron of snowspeeders to fire harpoon guns at tornadoes and fly around them a few times in order to trip them up.
“Have you guys ever seen Empire Strikes Back?” Trump said suddenly at a recent Space Force meeting, interrupting “some boring briefing on Iran.”
“Uh, yes, yes sir. I’m, uh, certain that we’ve all seen Empire Strikes Back,” said one general, frightened about where this conversation was going. “Uh, anyway, tensions with Iran in the Gulf are—“
“Great movie,” Trump continued. “Way better than the prequels. Anyway, yeah. I saw a tornado on the news the other day and it got me thinking. Snowspeeders! We could use snowspeeders.”
The room went quiet.
“Don’t look at me like that. I mean, we were all thinking it!” Trump reportedly said. “Remember how they used the tow cables and knocked over the big crawly things? We could just do that to tornadoes.”
“Sir, we’ll look into that,” said one commander after an awkward silence.
“Man, that would be so frickin’ rad,” Trump added, staring out a nearby window. “Anyone want to go watch Empire? Meeting adjourned.” Trump and most of the DOD officials gathered in the White House Family Theater for a screening of Episode V.
At publishing time, sources had confirmed that one general had been relieved of active duty after suggesting we just have a capital ship jump to lightspeed through the tornado, with an incredulous Trump pointing out how that’s physically impossible and a huge violation of previously established physics in the Star Wars universe.
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