Jesus' Coming Back

Russian aggression… in a galaxy far away? NATO maritime experts seek to secure mysterious ‘Sea of Asimov’

NATO has such talented maritime experts that they’ve discovered a conflict hotspot, as crucial as the Persian Gulf, that no one else has heard of. The mysterious Sea of Asimov urgently needs NATO’s protection.

“Recent events in the Persian Gulf and Sea of Asimov have demonstrated the need for naval power and for NATO forces’ to be able to find and destroy mines,” declares a NATO puff piece featuring Maritime Officer Paul Beckley, who apparently has traveled to distant galaxies not accessible to non-NATO countries.

The article discusses the importance of Beckley’s role without giving any further insight into the enigmatic body of water he’s helping to mine-sweep for NATO. Certainly, the Sea of Asimov is not found on any human maps, from this planet anyway. What else does Beckley do there? Fight off space pirates? Subdue Cthulhu and his minions? Inquiring minds want to know.

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Some killjoys might claim the writer meant to say “Sea of Azov,” the body of water encircled by Russia and eastern Ukraine. But since its publication on Wednesday, the article has remained on NATO’s site for over twelve hours with no correction, so they clearly mean Asimov – unless no one actually reads NATO press releases, or those who do are unfamiliar with the geography of the countries they spend their time fearmongering about. One lone Twitter user did catch the reference to the mysterious Sea, and placed it in the Collapsing Universe of Isaac Asimov – which would make sense, given the name.

NATO’s military superiority to Russia is “eroding,” according to Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff Gen. Joseph Dunford. China’s capabilities are creeping up quickly as well, he told reporters on Tuesday following a meeting of the alliance’s military committee. But who needs military superiority when you have access to science fiction worlds?

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