NEW YORK, NY—Adapting to modern times, the Pulitzer Prize, the most distinguished award in journalism, has added a new category: Destroying People.
“It’s time we recognize a key role today’s reporters play,” said Pultizer spokesman Adrian Fuller. “And that’s finding random people — whether they entered the public eye by making a meme the president shared or by making a donation to charity — and then doing whatever one can to ruin their lives.”
The award will recognize the hard work of reporters who search through decades-old tweets to publicize anything that could be considered offensive and those who tirelessly locate a non-public figure so he or she can be doxxed. Special consideration will be given if the target is fired from a volunteer position.
One CNN reporter immediately began working overtime to try to get the award. She was seen hiding in the bushes outside the home of a man who shared a pro-Trump meme, ready to pin him to the ground and demand his repentance.
This is expected to be the most competitive category, with veteran people destroyers CNN, BuzzFeed, and the Des Moines Register as favorites for producing this strain of award-winning journalism. Some have criticized the addition of this new category, and their social media history is currently being investigated.
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