Brought to you by
1) She waits for a 50% off sale before buying mountains and mountains of Hobby Lobby decor. Only Jezebels pay full price for that gorgeous wooden Bible art.
2) Her knowledge of exactly where everything is in the house is unsurpassed. When her husband and children can’t find the milk in the fridge, she’s able to give precise instructions without fail.
3) She’s involved in at least 7 multi-level marketing companies. Women of the world don’t even get to platinum level in one MLM, while a real Proverbs 31 woman is selling essential oils, handbags, candles, and cookware as though her upline depends on it.
4) She rises early to pick up breakfast for the family before the Chick-fil-A drive-thru line gets too long. And truly, her husband and children will rise up and call her “blessed.”
5) She cares for her husband as though he’s dying when he’s really just got the sniffles. When he’s out for the count with a minor cold, she just goes ahead and humors him.
6) She never pays full price but instead asks to speak to the manager. Full price for a meal where the salad was a little wilted? Not on a Proverbs 31 woman’s watch!
7) Her Pinterest boards are full of great home improvement ideas she’ll definitely get to one day. She’s constantly pinning ideas for things like a new wall of crosses, a gorgeous wrap-around deck, and a coffee bar. She doesn’t carry these ideas out, mind you, but she definitely will one day.
8) She can fold a fitted sheet. Men, if you find this woman, hang onto her. Sell all that you have and propose to her, for you have found great treasure.
9) She wisely suggests cutting the Nintendo Switch in half when the kids are fighting over it. The wisdom of Solomon has never been manifested more clearly in our age.
10) She is worth far more than bitcoins. Forget rubies—a modern Proverbs 31 woman is worth more than even valuable cryptocurrency.
If you’re anything like author, speaker, and comedian Kerri Pomarolli, you’ve read Proverbs 31 and thought, “Who is this woman? And what kind of magic unicorn, Energizer Bunny juice does she have on IV?” Sometimes Christian women don’t feel like they measure up, and Pomarolli cuts through the messiness of modern life to offer the hope of Jesus to her readers in her new book Confessions of a Proverbs 32 Woman. You can check it out here or click the image below.
Readers of the Bee,
If you value The Babylon Bee and want to see us prevail against Snopes and anyone else who might seek to discredit or deplatform us, please consider becoming a subscriber. Your support really will make a difference.
Comments are closed.