‘We Don’t Need To Look Into The Bidens’ Corruption,’ Insists Rep. Schiff While Attempting Jedi Mind Trick
‘We Don’t Need To Look Into The Bidens’ Corruption,’ Insists Rep. Schiff While Attempting Jedi Mind Trick
WASHINGTON, D.C.—At the impeachment hearings, Rep. Adam Schiff was asked why the Intelligence Committee wasn’t looking into corruption on the part of the Bidens, but rather focused on Trump’s phone call with Ukraine.
“Hey, it seems kinda like maybe we should look into this whole thing with Hunter Biden getting $50K a month from a Ukrainian company,” said Rep. Jim Jordan. “Let’s see if we can find out about this possible corruption.”
“We don’t need to look into any possible corruption on the part of the Bidens,” Schiff replied, waving his hand around slowly as though attempting some kind of Jedi mind trick. “This isn’t the evidence of corruption we’re looking for.”
“We don’t need to look into any possible corruption on the part of the Bidens,” the rest of the committee mumbled as though in some sort of trance. “This isn’t the evidence of corruption we’re looking for.”
“The Bidens can go about their business,” Schiff continued. “Move along.”
“The Bidens can go about their business,” they droned on. “Move along.”
Unfortunately, one member of the committee was a Toydarian, a species immune from the Force. “Just looking into this flimsy Trump phone call is no good!” he growled. “We need something more real!”
Schiff waved his hand again. “The investigation into just Trump will do fine.”
“No, it won’t!
“Yes, it will!”
“No, it won’t!”
This continued for some time but was actually more productive than the rest of the hearing, so the committee allowed it.
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