Jesus' Coming Back

Grown Man Identifies As 10-Year-Old To Enjoy New Pokemon Game Without Guilt

LOS ANGELES, CA—Though he is a grown man with a job and adult responsibilities, local accountant Greg Trench identifies as a 10-year-old boy whenever a new Pokemon game comes out, so he can play them without feeling guilty.

Every time there’s a new main entry in the series, he uses his adult credit card to buy the new game, drives home as though he’s an adult, but turns the system on and declares that he is actually a 10-year-old in a 32-year-old’s body.

“Wow, check out all these cool Pokemon!” he said excitedly as he began his journey through the Galar region in Pokemon Sword after work today. “I like this one. He looks like a monkey but he’s got these cute little leaves coming out of his head. Oh, wow! A super effective attack! Neato!”

His kids often try to play the games, but he shoos them away. “Daddy’s working on something very important, hun,” he told his 6-year-old daughter when she asked if she could start her own file. “If I can get Grookey up to level 16, he’ll evolve into Thwackey. He’s totally rad!”

“Pikachu—I choose you!” he cried, turning his hat sideways as he sent the electric rat into battle.

His wife just rolled her eyes, saying that even though he’s ten, he’s still on the hook for mowing the lawn tomorrow morning.

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