SHELBYVILLE, TN—Out of options and increasingly desperate as his wife’s after-church socializing reached hour three, local man Steve Hampton was forced to turn to his last resort: a cattle prod he kept in the trunk of the car for such occasions.
Finally resigning himself to the fact that his wife, Cathy, wasn’t going to stop chatting, Hampton went out to the car, got his cattle prod, sneaked back into the foyer, and hit her with a powerful but harmless electric shock.
“So anyway, I told Lisa that Staci had volunteered for the potluck, but apparently, Staci was only going to bring napki—WAAAHHH!!!” she cried out as he hit her with the prod.
“Honey, I’d warned you. IT. IS. TIME. TO. GO!!! AHHHHH!!!!” the man shouted, clearly driven to the brink of insanity from waiting around for hours. He headed back to the car and waited for her to get in.
“I’d tried everything else — honking the horn, sighing heavily, tapping my finger on my wrist as though pointing at a watch,” he told reporters later. “The cattle prod was my only hope to get home in time to catch at least one NFL game.”
Sadly, his wife recovered from the shock, held up one finger to signal that she would only be one more minute, and continued socializing for seventeen more hours.
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