WASHINGTON, D.C.—Having just made the historic step of impeaching President Trump, the freshman Democrats in Congress knew exactly what they wanted to do next: “Let’s impeach him again!” they cried.
Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi did not seem pleased by this. “You had your impeachment; now let’s move on to other things.”
“We want more impeachment!” the freshmen yelled.
Pelosi tried to reason with them. “We already made impeachment more unpopular with this one, so why have a second one?”
“Because then people will really know we’re serious when we impeach him a second time,” said Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. “Everyone will surely rally behind us then.”
Pelosi took a deep breath. “Here’s what’s going to happen: We’re just going to sit on this since the Senate would acquit him in like five minutes, and then we’re moving on to focus on 2020.”
“If they acquit him,” Ocasio-Cortez said, “we’ll impeach with the same charges again!”
“That would be double jeopardy,” Pelosi pointed out.
“I’m not seventy so I don’t watch Jeopardy and I don’t know what that means,” Ocasio-Cortez responded.
“How about we impeach him for stuff about Russia?” Representative Rashida Tlaib said.
“It needs to be more specific than that,” Pelosi stated.
“Things about Russia,” Ocasio-Cortez suggested.
“Accessory to being a Jew!” Representative Ilhan Omar added.
“I’m going to a bar,” Pelosi said and left the freshman congresspeople to work on impeachment themselves. Within an hour, they had already sketched up new impeachment charges for “bad tweets.”
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