Doctor Strange Searches 14,000,605 Futures But Doesn’t Find Any Where Trump Gets Removed From Office

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Concerned about their chances of successfully removing Trump from office via impeachment, Democrat leaders gathered in Washington to consult a Magic 8-ball. But Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez got too excited and shook it too hard, shattering the glass and rendering it useless.

So, Nancy Pelosi put her on timeout and called a consultant: Doctor Stephen Strange. The doctor arrived through a portal.

“Hey, where’s the little heartbeat thingy you’re supposed to wear around your neck?” a puzzled Ocasio-Cortez asked. “Wait a minute — you’re not a real doctor!”

“Lexy, can you do something very important for me?” an exasperated Pelosi asked. “I need someone to solve the word search in this Avengers activity book.”

“On it, queen!” Ocasio-Cortez responded, getting right to work on the word search. “I already found ‘FLOUB’ and ‘DRENTNAT.’ This’ll be a cinch!”

With Ocasio-Cortez occupied for a while, the Dems got back to work. Strange began searching through millions of futures, looking for one in which they salvage the mess they’ve created with this impeachment process. After a few minutes, he returned to our plane of reality.

“I went forward in time, to view alternate futures… to see all the possible outcomes of this impeachment process,” he told Democratic leaders waiting hopefully. 

“How many did we win?” Chuck Schumer asked.

“Zero.”

“WORBDLZORT!” Ocasio-Cortez cried triumphantly.