EDORAS—Meeting in the Golden Hall of Rohan this week, a location neutral to both Elves and Dwarves, well-known master negotiator Donald Trump forged a historic peace deal between the two races.
“OK, you, little guy — what’s your beef with blondie here?” Trump asked Gimli son of Glóin, representing the ancient race of Dwarves, as Trump gestured toward Legolas, son of Thranduil of Mirkwood. “He’s a nice guy. Talked to him myself. He’s a little weird, sure. A little full of himself. And he says strange stuff sometimes like ‘A red sun rises, blood has been spilt this night.’ But aren’t we all a little unique in our own way?”
Gimli crossed his arms. “He is always making fun of my height. And he thinks he’s better than everyone just because he’s got that long, flowing, blonde hair. Hmph.”
“Blondie, is this true?” Trump asked.
Legolas looked down ashamedly and drew a circle in the ground with his foot. “Yeah. Maybe I was a little too harsh. I was just joking around. Sorry, man.”
“Beautiful! A new alliance. Best alliance maybe ever!” The pair then went skipping off into the sunset, killing Orcs and having a lively competition over who could kill more of the evil invaders.
Next, Trump says he plans to try to unite Saruman and Sauron. “Should be a piece of cake!”
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